风扰夜，月圆独斟

好久好久没有喝两杯了。

如今天寒地冻，正是喝酒的好时候。三杯下肚，整个人暖烘烘的，格外舒畅。

差点就忘了这种暖和的感觉。

不只是这温暖的感觉，还有一种轻松的感觉。也许是因为酒精的关系罢。

但说到底，毕竟还是美中不足。难以尽如人意。天时和地利都对了，只差人和。只差一个对酒当歌的酒友。

好向往诗中所说的，“一壶浊酒喜相逢，古今多少事，都付笑谈中”和“酒逢知己千杯少”。

字不醉人，人自醉 15

天长地久有时尽

唯有相思无尽处

孤独

孤独是什么？

是身边没有另一个人？

还是心中没有另一个人？

也许两者都是罢。

独自。伦敦 3

回到了离开了三个月的地方。
心头滋味不知是甜是苦。
天转凉了，心也跟着冷了。
没有她在身边搓暖冰冷的手心。
没有她在身边提供欢笑与温馨。
景物有些变了。
茫茫前途无穷尽。
唯一能看到的是远在三年后的时光。
怎么会这样？
这么遥远的，却如此清晰。
仿佛已经变成了现实。
脑海里的“现实”。

不后悔，决不后悔。
天意如此，无可厚非。
如果因为眼前的艰难而放弃的话，那实在是太笨了。
简直都是笨得可笑。
难道放弃了会更好吗？
绝对不会。
难道被分享过的人生还会想回到过去吗？
绝对不会。

独自。伦敦？
也许吧。。。

Neglected...

No, I don't mean that I am neglected. I mean this blog is neglected.

Well, haven't really had the time since I got back to UK. Had to settle my housing and studies. Also, have to learn to adjust to life without her, for now.

Anyway, just to say hi once in a while. Typing this in the com lab of my school, so don't really feel inspired to write. Haha! Say until like I beri de zai.

Till the next time people...

至理名言 25

家，永远都是最好的。

Up to you

When women say "up to you", they mean "up to you" if what you think is in line with what they want....

不值得

晚上十一点。CCK车站。宁静的夜晚被巴士的引擎声和行人的脚步声滋扰。刚刚跟她共进晚餐。Roof Terrace 的东西实在是不错。

其实，到底是东西真的好吃还是因为她我不晓得。不重要。

在等307的时候，IPod正好放着梦飞船的《不值得》。听着听着，忽然有些感触。

到底一段真挚的感情，值得你付出多少？

如果说心爱的人是你人生的另一半，那你心爱的人就是至关重要的。那么为了一个极重要的人，你又愿意付出多大的代价呢？

很多时候，我们是否为了一些我们自以为“更重要”的事而放弃或冷落的眼前人？

工作？朋友？“没时间”？还没“玩”够？

当然，我不是说为了另一半而放下一切，什么都不做。这是不可能的。我只是说，有时候觉得有更重要的事的时候，也许应该三思而后行。或许想了一想，“重要”的事会变得没那么重要。

那么，又如何知道什么事重要，什么事不重要？我想每个人心里的那把尺都不一样。衡量轻重全靠各人。

但千万不要为了无聊的原因而错失眼前人。这才叫不值得。

Never perfect

Life is never perfect is it?

Just when you feel that things are going well, you fail to notice what goes on beneath.

Your eyes are just clouded by superficial happiness and you can't see the struggles that are going on, even if they are right in front of you.

Or maybe it's a refusal to acknowledge that things are not as rosy as they seem.

The "upbeat and optimistic" way of looking at this is to treat it as a lesson, an opportunity to learn.

Easier said than done.

When you've realised how terribly you've failed, is it still easy for you to pick yourself up? I guess not. I know now because I have failed YOU.

There's only one way out...

I'm done!!!!!!!! Roar!!!

Today I finish my student attachment at IHPC!!!!

Was supposed to end on the 21st September 2007. But then I finished my report early so i figured that i shouldn't be wasting ASTAR's resources. Hence I decided to leave early! haha! sound very righteous hor?

Actually, it's just that I don't want to get up so early anymore! haha!

I would have stayed till the end of my original attachment deadline. However, when I asked my supervisor whether he had anything more for me to do, he said no. So o well...

I mean there's no point in me going to office everyday to do nothing. I've go better things to do and time that is better spent with family, gf and friends.

Really surprised at how well things went when I said I wanted to terminate my attachment early. My supervisor just gave his consent and the nice HR lady, Janice, was also very helpful and accomodating. This all happened today. No prior notice. Unbelievable.

Now at least I get to enjoy abit of my summer holiday. If I had ended on the 21st Sept, I would effectively only have 2weeks of summer holidays (out of 3 whole months). I came back on the 25th June, started work on 2nd July and I'm leaving on the 29th Sept. Not gonna cut my summer so short again.

Time to enjoy the rest of my holidays....

Last stretch....

Approaching the finishing phases of my internship at ASTAR, IHPC. Don't know whether to be happy or not.

On one hand, I'm happy that I'm finally gonna get some summer holidays, even though it's like almost autumn already. I stupidly reduced my summer hols to effectively 2 weeks. Never gonna do that again.

Also, I did learn alot during this internship. Added a lot of breath the what I am studying.

On the other hand, the end of my internship means that the day I'll be returning to UK is drawing near. Which means I'll be leaving HER.

Hmm....

Seems like more reason to be sad than happy man...

Good Friends

Come to think of it, I haven't met up with my good friends for a few weeks already.

The group of six... (come on, you know that you guys will ALWAYS be on my list)

The medics trio (yeap, CL and YS, you too you too.)

The dancers (how can I forget)

Gonna try to find them all before I leave....

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Just heard this song called Leaving on a Jet Plane.

Don't know who sang it. Don't know when it was from.

But the lyrics just fits my current situation perfectly. (strange how I keep finding songs that describes my circumstances lately)

For those who are leaving Singapore for a foreign country, leaving your loved ones (especially your other half, the special him or her) behind, I'm sure you will totally identify yourselves with this song.

When I heard it, I just felt as if I was singing the song myself. For in 1 month's time, I'll be leaving without HER. Even now, I can feel the torn feeling of having my heart in one place and body in another, transcending through time from the future to this very moment when I am typing this entry.

As she says so very often, "o well..." It's a path I chose. It's a decision I won't regret. There's no way I'll pass her up.

Definition of "Blubber"

Was Googling the word "Blubber".

Expected a whole bunch of cute stuff to come up. Well, let's just say things didn't go as planned...

Blubber is a thick layer of vascularized fat found under the skin of all cetaceans, pinnipeds and sirenians.

~~from wikipedia

I mean if it were something more normal I wouldn't have been too surprised. But it had to be some fatty tissue on some unknown deep sea shell like life-form unknown to much of mankind. Haha!

Don't be too sad dear...

Presence

It's amazing how the presence of another person can do such wonders. Just being physically present. Doesn't matter what she's doing.

As you can probably see in my previous post, I wasn't in a good mood. That's what it says literally in that post. I was being plagued by minor problems or anticipation of future problems. All of which I have blown out of proportion.

Then I went out to lunch with her. And some of her old friends. It was nice. Just a normal lunch. Nothing extraordinary.

In fact, we didn't get to talk as much as we usually do during lunch because conversation time was shared between four of us now. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed the gathering. Her friends were nice people. I'm just speaking matter-of-fact-ly.

But somehow I just feel relieved of my burdens. Simply being around her makes me feel better. Strange isn't it? Even without doing anything much. Without any form of verbal consolation.

I was able to calm down and look at things differently. Put things into perspective.

She's really a gift to me.

Thanks Joanne...

I'm feeling really bad right now...

Letters

Never knew letters were such powerful things.

Well now I know... (one times jialat jialat ah!)

Have you ever had a fear that strikes so suddenly that you don't even have time to react?

Have you ever had a fear so strong that it weighs you down so dreadfully?

Have you ever had a fear that strikes not at the head, not at the body but straight at the heart?

If the answer is yes, what do you do?

If the answer is yes, what is your bottomline?

If the answer is yes, what is the one single thing that will sweep all of that away?

人生重大的一步

昨天，我跨出了人生中重大的一步。 我想也是时候了。

我既然能踏出这一步，就不会想要回头。

虽然至今还是有点忐忑不安。虽然走进了完全陌生的世界。我坚信我没做错。只要玲玲在我身边支持我，我相信我一定能义无反顾的走下去。

Aerosmith "I don't want to miss a thing"

I know that this is an old song.

But the lyrics are just so nice aren't they?

I especially like the verses. (i.e. the "non-chorus". Sorry, my english not good enough)

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing

Watch you smile while you are sleeping

While you're far away and dreaming

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender

I could stay lost in this moment forever

Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Don't want to close my eyes

I don't want to fall asleep

Cause I'd miss you baby

And I don't want to miss a thing

Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you baby

And I don't want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating

And I'm wondering what you're dreaming

Wondering if it's me you're seeing

Then I kiss your eyes

And thank God we're together

I just want to stay with you in this moment forever

Forever and ever

I don't want to close my eyes

I don't want to fall asleep

Cause I'd miss you baby

And I don't want to miss a thing

Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you baby

And I don't want to miss a thing

I don't want to miss one smile

I don't want to miss one kiss

I just want to be with you

Right here with you, just like this

I just want to hold you close

Feel your heart so close to mine

And just stay here in this moment

For all the rest of time

Yeah yeah yeah

I don't want to close my eyes

I don't want to fall asleep

Cause I'd miss you baby

And I don't want to miss a thing

Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you baby

And I don't want to miss a thing

I Don't want to close my eyes

I don't want to fall asleep

Cause I'd miss you baby

And I don't want to miss a thing

Cause even when I dream of you

the sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you baby

And I don't want to miss a thing

Don't want to close my eyes

I don't want to fall asleep

And I don't want to miss a thing

I guess the lyrics just describe how I feel now...

Screwed upside down

Just to update you guys on what's happening in my life recently.

Other than giving my time to Joanne, my family and my research internship at ASTAR, I've also been busy looking for a place to live in London for the next academic year.

The initial idea was to form a household of five guys. (we are not gays!) This was the idea from a few months ago. In this group, there are 3 Singaporeans, 1 Hong Konger and 1 French. The French will be staying in UK so he will look for a place while all of us were back in our home countries.

Anyway, what happened is that 1 of the Singaporean decides to pull out last minute. I will not elaborate further on the details of the event. The consequences are that now, the remaining 4 of us are in a MAD SCRAMBLE to try and find a place to live.

Can't believe the 4 of us were actually screwed upside down by this 1 guy.

So what....

Haven't blogged in a long time...

So what?

Simply wonderful...

This year's birthday is the best I've had in my 22 years on Earth.

It's simply wonderful. Much much more than I could have ever imagined.

Thank you Joanne for making all this happen...

Something, somewhere, went terribly wrong

I just love this picture! What a way to put things into perspective...

Kinda reflects my current circumstances as well. Haha!

For the sake of it....

Research Internship

I have recently started a research internship at ASTAR's Institute of High Performance Computing.

Found it quite challenging. Realised that research is not as I think it is.

It's not like a lab script where you just follow instructions and take the prescribed readings. Gotta stretch myself quite abit to get things going.

First, got to learn how to use UNIX and the program DDSCAT 6.1. Then got to learn the physics behind my project. Lastly, during the project itself, got to figure out how to solve problems and what values to extract meaning from.

Really quite enjoying myself now. Feel as if I'm making full use of my time and learning and doing as much as I can.

Of course, things weren't always smooth sailing. Initially, I was quite overwhelmed by the steep learning curve. Luckily Joanne (just realised that this is the first time I mentioned her explicitly in my blog. tsk tsk... lousy boyfriend) was here to provided ample care and support.

Anyway things are going pretty ok now. Just hope that they continue to be...

Anything la....

Ever had someone tell that you don't have an opinion of your own when you say, "Anything la."

Do you agree with them?

Well I don't. Not always anyway.

"Anything" means that under the given circumstances, the choices available don't make much of a difference. Not just not much of a difference in terms of the initial and final state of affairs; but in terms of means as well.

I mean, at least you know that, in your best judgement, all the choices don't really make a difference. And you can live with making any of the choices.

Of course I understand how the image of not having your own opinion comes about. That occurs when you say "anything la" when you just want to follow other people's ideas. There is a very very subtle difference to such a mindset that makes a world of a difference.

至理名言 24

紧握的拳头，是掌握不了任何东西的。

摊开的手掌，同样的，也留不住任何事物。

等待

等待，原来是很艰辛的。

一种前途渺茫的感觉。一种身不由己的感觉。 一种逆水行舟的感觉。

到底等待到最后，会不会有圆满的结局？

但是。。。

难道放弃吗？不战而败吗？

疑问再多，也不过是一些看不到摸不着的东西。为了这些镜花水月，有可能发生，有可能不发生的东西而放弃眼前实实在在的幸福，值得吗?

不值得。

这也许是上天给我的考验吧。毕竟好的东西是值得等待的。既然如此，就只好顺应天明了。君子知命，但不畏命。

如果一切最终不如预期那样，那至少我也能无怨无悔。当然，在那之前，我只能抱着信心和希望勇往直前。将来的事，谁都不知道。

希望在我有所动摇时，我能牢记今天所写的。。。

我一定会耐心的等待。

Big Science

Went to Grenoble (France) and Geneva (Switzerland) recently. From 18th to 22nd June to be exact. The trip is organised by the Institute of Physics.

In France, we went to the I'LL, ESRF and CNRS. We saw cutting edge technology like superconducting magnets, high tech cooling (to a few milli Kelvins!), magnetic imaging technology and several other experiments involving crystal growing, X-rays and neutron beams. We also visited a synchrotron (800+ metres in circumference!). Basically, the sychrotron accelerates electrons to high velocities and makes use of the X-rays generated by the centripetal acceleration of the electrons to do experiments. However, what I think is the most impressive part of the France visit is the visit to the I'LL. At the I'LL, we literally went to a nuclear reactor (57MW!). I mean, how many times do u get to visit a nuclear plant in your whole life? According to the scientists there, the reactor actually heats up a nearby river by 1 degree celcius!

In Switzerland, we went to the world famous CERN. There we visited the soon-to-be operational LHC. At 27 km in circumference, it is impressive. Though you don't see it physically since it is mostly underground. We saw things like 15m tall electromagnets fited with muon detectors, lead-perspex crystals and a whole load of high tech stuff.

With each visit to the research institutes, there is a talk and a professional scientist leading a small group around. My impression was that the research institutes were very interested in letting people know about their work and the scientists are very patient in explaining their work to layman like us. It was very good. In a way, it also reaffirmed my determination to do Physics.

Safe in a crazy world

Don't know why. But I always feel very comforted when I listen to Corrine May's "Safe in a crazy world"

"You keep my flying, you keep me smiling, you keep me safe in a crazy world"

It's her voice. It's the words. Perhaps, more than anything, it's me. Not "me" as in "I make the song nice" but "me" as in "the song is just right for ME".

I feel that it is a very soothing, gentle and warm song. Close your eyes and listen to this song, it's as if the troubles of the world are shut out and you are, as the title suggests, safe in a crazy world.

Just comforting to know that there is solace in a song like this whenever you need it.

"...you understand me, embrace my fragility, you keep me safe in a crazy world..."

至理名言 23

受人滴水之恩，当以涌泉相报。

至理名言 22

人，在任何情况之下，都得尽力的活。

至理名言 21

学如逆水行舟

不进，则退！

至理名言 21

学如逆水行舟

不进，则退！

Soon... soon....

Only 1 more paper left.....

It's the paper I dread most. Mathematical analysis. Whole bunch of pure maths. Damn xiong.

But never mind. Just hang on. Hang on a little longer.

Going home....

In a couple of weeks, I'll be heading home.

Excited, generally speaking. Really looking forward to see my family and friends. Go out partying all night with my 5 other best friends. Do the things I used to do. Play cheap pool. Most of all, feel at home.

But then I know, at the end of my holiday I'll have to head back to UK. Don't get me wrong. I don't dread the UK at all. In fact, I feel that coming to UK to study is an experience of a lifetime. I love the independent lifestyle, the feeling of being in Europe and studying in Imperial (it's really a good school IMO).

It's just that, I'll be heading back to UK without a very very important person...

What will life be like then?

The road that lies ahead is tough no doubt. But that's the only route I have. There's no other way out. Whatever it is, I'll walk this path to the end.

Isn't it supposed to be summer?

If it is, then why is it still so cold?

How are things coming along?

I wonder how my friends are doing back in Singapore.

Going back soon. Really really looking forward to seeing them.

Then can go and do all the things that we used to do. Can go and eat all the things that I used to eat. Can see all the people I used to see.

Things aren't going to be exactly the same. I know that. But then again, who wants things to be the same? Change makes life exciting. Change is inevitable. Afterall, we all have our own paths to take.

However, there is something that I believe in. I believe that there is an invisible thread that links us together no matter where we are. People change, that's right. But at our core, we still relate to one another and our past can never be erased. It's really comforting to know that...

Non-Newtonian Fluids

This is the topic of my presentation today.

Went really well. Despite the fact that I spent only 1 hour on it.

Prof New and the other guys were really impressed by the oobleck I turned up with. Had a few of them come up to me saying that my presentation was pretty good.

So quite happy about that. At least something happy amidst the studying.

小楼一夜听风雨

其实标题我是乱写的。只是因为还不懂要写什么，又想起最近老是下雨，所以就想了这个标题。

说到下雨，最近还真是乌云密布，雨天连连。都已经到了春末了，下起雨的时候马上又回到了冬天。冷风透骨，暗无天日。阴霾的天气似乎也感染了心情。但是我的心还是暖的。只因。。。哈哈！

回想起这一个月所发生的事。我想只能用“峰回路转”，“人算不如天算”和“苦尽甘来”来形容。从来都没有经历过这么出乎意料的转变沉浮。也许这就是命吧！一切早有主宰。

今天。不知为什么，总觉得力不从心，提不起劲。还好有美酒相伴。总算不孤单。

说到酒就让我想起一句诗。“一壶浊酒喜相逢。古今多少事，都付笑谈中。”人生能够如斯，夫复何求。何等豪迈，何等豁达。人能够做到如此放开怀抱还真是不容易。人生能够找到一个能够和自己把酒言欢的知己更是难上加难。

啊。。。 一股暖流已经缓缓的从肚子流向身体的每一个部位了。

雨，停了
风，停了
人，也停了
停在房里
停在时间与空间之间
停在了一个无人的地方
四壁围绕
空旷无际
心，在何处？
神，在何处？
你可知？


放心，我没醉。（真奇怪，醉的人老是说自己没醉。）

字不醉人，人自醉 14

纤云弄巧 飞星传恨 银汉迢迢暗度

金风玉露一相逢 便胜却人间无数

柔情似水 佳期如梦 忍顾鹊桥归路

两情若是长久时 又岂在朝朝暮暮

~~秦观《鹊桥仙》

字不醉人，人自醉 13

力拔山兮气盖世

时不利兮骓不逝

骓不逝兮可奈何

虞兮虞兮奈若何

~~项羽《垓下歌》

I just love this photo...

Dead beat

Went to the regional Shorinji Kempo training seminar yesterday. It's the first time it's been held in London. Venue was Wilson House, St. Mary Recreation Centre.

First of all, I was the only white belt there. Felt slightly out of place. Haha!

Second, got to see the super senior guys of UK Shorinji Kempo. There was the head of the UK Shorinji Kempo branch, Mizuno Sensei. A very friendly man. Almost couldn't believe that he's an 8th dan. Then there was a 7th dan sensei, I believe his name is Mahara Sensei. A very nice man as well. The other black belt instructors there were also very nice and helpful.

Learnt quite a bit. Enjoyed it quite a bit as well.

We were mainly doing some grabbing and release techniques. Getting our fundamentals right. Got to see the black belts do their stuff as well. Pretty impressive.

I was grabbing the other person's hand so much during the training that my forearms felt as if they had just gone through some super intensive workout program. As usual, got my hands twisted left right centre. But I was well compensated by twisting my opponent's hand left right centre as well. Haha!

By the time I got home, I was so tired that I can't move. I guess it's not totally because of the training that I am this tired. I think the soccer the previous day played a part as well. Nonetheless it's all good fun.

My drinking equipment

I kid you not. That's a Johnny Walker Green Label (15 y.o). Next to it are my shot glasses. My favourite one is the one I bought in Paris (extreme left).

至理名言 20

守得云开见月明

至理名言 19

人，总得懂得自救

大道。小道。

人生的路到底是宽还是窄？每个人的路都一般宽吗？

我觉得问题不应该是路的宽窄。因为这没得选。

我觉得更重要的是自己怎样看待自己的路。

如果你把自己当成一切的中心，把自己看得很大，很重要，那你的路将会很窄。因为这一切都是相对的。

如果你把自己看得太渺小，那你的路将会无限宽。但是这样的话，你将永远看不到终点。人生将会很漫长。

如果你走在这条路的边缘，那你很容易就会失足。

我认为很多事情都是相对的。要如何衡量轻重，诠释自己生命中的角色就得看你是走在大道上还是小道上了。

There's always more to learn

Sometimes when you think you know something. Think again.

Sleepless in Seattle

Watched Sleepless in Seattle. Classic film. Very captivating.

It's just a simple film. Not one of those films nowadays which keep u at the edge of your seat or something. But the idea is not simple at all.

Or rather should I say, the idea is so simple that people can't bring themselves to believe in it anymore. The idea is so fundamental people just don't remember that it is there anymore.




Love is not something to be attached with material considerations. The line is just not that clear anymore.

There is no opportunity cost to love. Because there is no next best alternative.

Complete your life with your own hands. Waiting is not an option.

Open your heart to what life has to offer. You never know. The person you are destined to be with may just be around the corner.



Well that's just a few things i thought the movie was trying to tell me.

Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks make a great duo.

Overall it's a very heart warming and gratifying movie. Go watch it.

字不醉人，人自醉 12

落花有意，流水无情

虚度光阴

我最怕明天一觉醒来的时候我已走到了生命的尽头。

《用尽一生的爱》

现在正在听张克帆的《用尽一生的爱》。感触良多。

还是以前的歌词比较有意义。

这首歌是诉说着一种放手一博，让人生不留下任何遗憾的精神。我很敬佩作词人豁达的胸襟。

“用尽一生的爱之为了换来释放后的自由。我爱过哭过痛过笑过这一生就以足够。”说得没错。人，只能活一次。有什么比无怨无悔，无憾无忧更重要？

但要真正做到又谈何容易。当面临抉择时，内心的挣扎排山倒海的压到，又有多少人能提起足够的勇气呢？我们往往都知道对的路该怎么走。但是我们不一定会朝那个方向走下去。因为实在是太难了。

当你的选择让你面对失去的可能时，你会怎么做呢？是勇敢去拼？用尽一生的爱去换来一段轰轰烈烈的回忆？还是告诉自己用理智来解决？告诉自己，既然没可能就不要去做？我想，这其中应该没有对或错吧。如果有的话，我肯定不知道答案。选择在于自己。到底要如何过这一辈子的权力操纵在自己手里。如果你愿意放手一博的话，你将会面对失去的可能。如果你选择被动的话，就得看你是怎样的一个人了。如果你能往好的方面想的话，你能对自己说：“幸亏我那时没这样做，否则结果会更糟." 如果你不能的话，你这一辈子将背着错失的遗憾。

我个人是会倾向放手一博的决定。而我也做出了我的抉择。问题是，我到底能不能继续走下去。我希望我可以。当然，我也不是一直以来都会选择冒险。以后也不是每件事都回去拼。中庸之道嘛。但我希望在重要的事情上，我能以积极的态度继续往前走。就这样。我想我是一个比较不能面对错失的可能的人吧。我也不清楚。

这首歌里面还有一段歌词在我心里引起了共鸣。“岁月的风抚平成长得痛”。它不禁让我想起一句话：“过去只是一种人生经历而并不是一种负担。”人生当中总得面对挫折。这是难免的。但人总是在痛苦中成长。毕竟经一事长一智。我想关键在于我们是否能相信时间能冲淡一切。我想我们必须相信时间能冲淡一切。人总不能不断的累积包袱。我认为时间是一个非常奇妙的东西。它能把不好的东西都冲走，把最精华，最美好的东西留下。

现在，有好歌听，有美酒。我想我在此时此刻也算是做到了无怨无悔，无憾无忧了。哈哈！

以下附上《用尽一生的爱》歌词。希望大家能读一读，细细品味一下词中意。

岁月的风抚平成长的痛

经过几番悲欢离合之后

究竟有多少的人能够看透

有多少往事不堪回首

时间的钟敲醒不老的梦

人生一场喜怒哀乐交错

究竟有多少感动可以保留

有多少朋友陪到最后

这世界分分秒秒来去匆匆

从来不会为谁停留

一生中寻寻觅觅转眼成空

一旦错过不能从头

用尽一生的爱只为了换来释放后的自由

我爱过哭过痛过笑过这一生就已足够

用尽一生的爱不在乎是否能够天长地久

我无悔无怨无憾无尤这一生又有何求

The reality that never was...

Sometimes I just can't help thinking what if...

独占神话

《独占神话》这四个字让你想起什么？它们让我想起了Jolin 的歌。所以当我看到这四个字是我妹妹的blog的名字时，我有点像笑。我想说，“Come on! 来点有深度的好不好！”哈哈！后来才发现，肤浅的人是我。真是阴沟里翻船。

Its all Greek to me...

Went to Greece on the 26/03/2007 and came back on 03/04/2007. Went with Joanne and Zhonghan.

Hmm... What can I say about Greece? Lots and lots.

It's a beautiful country. Deep blue seas, quiet beaches, great food, spectacular natural sights and pretty good hostels.

We went to Athens first, then we went island hopping on Crete, Santorini and Naxos. Athens wasn't much. The islands were what made the trip. Absolutely wonderful.

We drove around on the islands. It was great fun. Drove on the RIGHT side of the road, literally. Changed gears with right hand. Keep right on left turn. Haha! Mind boggling at first, but we got over it. Only Zhonghan and I drove. Joanne is the "tai-tai" who got driven around. Haha! Driving really gave our trip alot of freedom. We just drove around and stopped as we like. Buses are few and far between due to the off-peak season. That's how we got so many spectacular shots of the seas and mountains. Driving around also allowed us to go to hard to reach beaches and enjoy the sun.

So many beautiful beautiful memories. We had so much fun. Spent so much time talking. I mean when you had to wait for 1 plus hour for your dinner, what else can you do but talk? Haha! We had so much fun taking funny photos/videos, doing stupid stuff and enjoying the sights and sounds Greece had to offer.

If you were to ask me which ruins in Greece I was most impressed with, it'd be the Acropolis. If you were to ask me which car rental company was the best, it'd be Apollon on Naxos. If you were to ask me which island I liked most, it'd be Naxos. If you ask me which hostel I enjoyed my stay in, it'd be Windmill Naxos. If you were to ask me which was the best day throughout the trip, it'd be the 1/4/2007 (our first day in Naxos). If you were to ask me which place has the best view, it'd be all over the place. If you were to ask me where's the best food, it'd be on Crete.

I remembered saying the last time that Paris was the best trip I've had. Well, Paris just lost to Greece. Now, Greece is the best vacation I've had so far. Let's hope things just keep getting better. I'm not saying that my decision to travel alone the last time was wrong. I never regretted doing that. It's just a different feeling. Besides travelling with companions need not be good. In fact it could be even worse than travelling alone.

Anyway, I just want to say that it is really fate that brought us together, 3 like-minded people who had the same aims of travelling. We didn't really have any conflicts in opinions, everything just flowed nicely. For this I am truly grateful. Thank you Joanne. Thank you Zhonghan. It was great. Beautiful people and a wonderful country. It could hardly get any better than that. (I hope that's not true though)

Even as I type this post, part of me still stays in Greece. Greece is beckoning to me to go back there one more time. And I will, most definitely. But it won't be able to replace this trip. This trip is unique. My future journeys would be new memories to add into my archives but never to replace that of previous trips.

At this juncture, I have to thank my parents without whom I would have never been able to study abroad and see all these wonderful things and meet all these beautiful people.

Lastly, I just want to say that everything about this Greece trip just seems so perfect to me. I wouldn't change a single thing about it even if I could. Not a single thing...

Me?

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至理名言 18

经一事，长一智

字不醉人，人自醉 11

莫怪水中鱼不解秋风意

Random stuff 2

Long enough

Random stuff

Feeling abit..... hmm... I don't know.... What is it I am feeling now?

For the first time in my life I'm feeling something like this.

The politically correct response is something like, "hmm... there must be something I can learn from it" or "it's part and parcel of life". Whatever.

My chest is a little tight. My heart feels a little cooped up. My brain feels like it doesn't want to work.

Just don't want to do anything.

Life is like a train that pulls you along behind it. You either move as fast as it goes or get dragged behind it. Now, it seems as if I am carrying a slab of concrete on my back.

If I just hold on longer, maybe the slab of concrete will just slide off and I can run along like I used to.

Just a little longer.

Do you know what I am going to say next?

I noticed something about my blog entries.

My titles seldom say what is in the entry itself. This is especially true for my longer entries.

Hmmm.....

Stand Tall, Stand Proud

Clinton just gave me this link to a YouTube video.

Super funny and creative.

Also, I think it raises a valid point on language and culture.

Here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M8fnjPLx6k

sorry i dun want to do the youtube window on my blog thing....

Fine weather

I have to say, the weather nowadays is nothing short of spectacular.

14-15 degrees celcius, cloudless blue skies in the day, warm sun and dusks that only sets in at around 7 pm.

In the morning when I leave hall, my spirits are immediately lifted by the beautiful weather. The journey to school feels so much more enjoyable now than in winter.

Fine weather indeed.

Shorinji Kempo

Just went to a session of Shorinji Kempo.

Toughest session so far.

My right arm was twisted left right centre. Hurt a great deal.

But I learnt a great deal as well. I guess getting beaten up is part and parcel of learning a martial art.

Nonetheless it's good fun...

夜已深

夜深人静，万籁俱寂。

特别容易让人有一种寂寞的感觉。

就是在这种时候，我会回想起我原来身在异乡。你呢？

到底是怎么样一路走来的？人生的故事书一页一页的翻着。生活中的情节一段一段的上演。也许一路走来就这么简单明了。把左脚抬起来放在右脚前面，再把右脚抬起来放在左脚前面。就这样。。。

当我停下脚步回头看时，我是否还能看到我在沙滩上留下的脚印？还是它们都被时间的浪给冲走了。你觉得呢？

人生短短数十载，到底能留下多少脚印？到底能留下多深的脚印？还是说有没有脚印都无所谓？

真可笑。有时当我问我自己到底是怎么走到这一步的时候，我竟然无言以对。似乎我就是在茫茫大海中的一叶轻舟，随着海浪沉浮。一步接着一步的走着。当然不是时时刻刻都是这样。我只是有时难免会觉得虽然在当下所作的决定是出于自己的意愿但反观全局时却不一定是这样。似乎所发生的每一件事都跟所有事由关联。你有这种感觉吗?

如果把这种身不由己的感觉放大，我是否就能感觉到三国英雄所受的“大势所趋”的感觉呢?哈哈！

当然，我并没有后悔我任何的决定。我只是觉得这种诸事相连的现象很微妙。牵一发，动全身。或许你今天做的事会在明天带给你应得的回报。问题在于，你根本不知道明天的事。这是一件让人非常兴奋的事。不是吗？

如果知道了明天的事的话，那人生就没有意思了。我可不要活在一个知道明天会遇到什么人，上几次厕所的世界里。虽然说未知数是把双刃刀，它能让生活缺少了安宁及稳定。但同时它也让人生有了希望。

难道不是吗？

Greece is near. I can feel it!

Just finished booking ferry tickets for my trip to Greece.

All thanks to Zhonghan. Frankly speaking without him I'd be lost.

Looking at the photos of Greece on websites, I simply can't wait to go. Now, everything is set. (except for minor things like where to go when I'm actually in Greece) Feels like I'm going to ORD all over again!

I can feel it! I can feel it in my bones! The warm sea breeze, sunny beaches and spectacular views.

I can't wait! I can't wait!

Errata to "Pride and Prejudice"

I wonder if any of you noticed it in my previous post "Pride and Prejudice".

I said "Think I'm gonna get my hands on the actual book and read it."

Don't you think that sounds a little strange?

I mean, "and READ IT".

What else am I gonna do with the book if not read it? Burn it?

Haha!

Pride and Prejudice

Just watched Pride and Prejudice by Keira Knightley.

So, first things first, Keira Knightley looks exqusite in this movie. Wow....

Well, some of you might be thinking, "hasn't the movie been out for a long time?" Yes, yes, I know I'm a little slow. But better late than never right?

Anyway, I was totally mesmerized. By the way they filimed it, by the acting and most of all by the story.

For those who haven't watched this movie, please do. Unless you are like Soon who likes things like Hostel and The Hills Have Eyes. Haha! Joking.

Think I'm gonna get my hands on the actual storybook and read it...

Full Lunar Eclipse

There was a full lunar eclipse yesterday.

It is said that the best place to view it was in Europe. So I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Not exactly a once in a lifetime event. Then next one will be on the 28th August 2007 according to Wikipedia.

Watched it outside my hall with Kenneth and Zhonghan. Later on Cheryl and Jinyang joined us.

When it happened, the whole moon was dyed red. A "blood moon" so they call it. We rather enjoyed ourselves. Kenneth was busy taking pictures with his 10 mega pixel LUMIX and tripod. Jack Daniels kept us warm. (we even coaxed Kenneth into drinking a shot! haha!) We had a good time standing in the cold, laughing and joking. It was nice.

The night ended with us playing Texas Hold'em in Zhonghan's room.

So that's all folks!

The God Delusion

Just read The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins.

A rather enjoyable read I have to say. Pretty insightful.

In this book, Richard Dawkins states arguments which, personally, I have never heard about and points of views which I have never thought of looking through. I learnt quite abit from it. The book made me think about religion and what I believe.

I won't discuss my religious stand here. One, it's too big and complex an issue to be discussed like this. Two, I have no intention of making my blog any sort of discussion forum. Three, when it comes to religion I'm actually quite a relativist.

However I feel that he does make a point which is valid regardless of your religious stance. That is religion is not something which you should raise on a pedestal in an unquestioning manner and follow blindly. I feel that it is good to talk about religious matters. By talking or debating about it you discover where you stand on such matters. What's the point of blindly following a religious doctrine? Doctrines invented thousands of years ago, do they still work? If there really is a God, would he/she want your membership in his/her religion or your true belief and sincerity? If at the end of your quest to find your belief, you choose to maintain your original faith, then good for you. Your faith would be as strong as ever. You would have found true light or meaning in your life. If not, then you would just have discarded a belief that even if you continue to forcibly maintain it, you would not be happy doing it. This is important. This is what I think this book is all about. To get people to think.

I mean, a smart man as Richard Dawkins is, surely he can't possibly assume that his book will change the world. I think what this book is capable of is raise awareness about what people are doing nowadays and help those who are pained by not being able to show the world what they truly believe. (Note that I am not exclusively referring to religious people in this sense.)

In this book, Richard Dawkins argues exclusively for atheism. There's nothing wrong with that. Atheism is what he believes and he should duely do whatever he can to defend it. That's all there is to it. To all those who thinks that he is being too extreme, I'd say it's a matter of perspective. Also, the fact that he is so scathing towards religion makes it an ever more illuminating book in such matters. It contrasts so sharply with the other end of the spectrum that you can easily see what is going on in this very well presented book length expose of religion and its apparent delusions about the God Hypothesis.

It is really a book to read for those interested in the matters of religion. Not so much as a textbook from which you derive certified knowledge. But as a book to set the benchmark or a reference point to aid you in your quest to know more about religion. Afterall, atheism is what Richard Dawkins subscribes to, not you.

Debate on Christianity

Just went to a debate on Christianity at the Westminister Central Hall with Joanne.

Rather refreshing debate I would say. Haven't been to anything like it before.

It's really different from reading about arguments for and against religion in a book.

But I must say that both the speakers weren't like top notch. I can't say much about the person speaking for christianity because I don't take his stance so I suspect that I may be naturally biased against him. However for the atheist speaker, it seems that he is a little ill prepared to take on the religious speaker and his arguments seem a bit weak. The debate would have been much more exciting if the atheist speaker was someone like Richard Dawkins.

Nonetheless, it's still quite an eye opener.

I want to go home....

1:19 am, UK time. 27th February 2007, Tuesday.

Supposed to have lessons later, but couldn't sleep. Maybe it's because of the lousy wine. Maybe it's because I overslept and missed my first lectures in years. I don't know.

Finished watching 少年特工队 on YouTube. Laughed the crap out of me. Had a shower. Waited around sitting on my chair staring into space. I do that sometimes. Don't wanna force myself to sleep if I didn't feel like it. If I tossed and turned on bed I'd feel frustrated. I'm not unhappy. Just want to say that first just in case any of you reading this post has the impression that I am depressed or something.

My good friends would know that I do stare into space and go into my own dimension sometimes. So staying awake and not doing anything doesn't mean anything significant. It's just the way I am.

So, as I was sitting around, my screensaver came up. I used Picasa to generate a screensaver using my photos. I saw much of what seemed like a distant past. I saw the pictures I took when I collected my pink IC. I saw the pictures of me going out with my dance members. I saw the pictures of my family and I. I saw a picture of the group of six celebrating my birthday at Chevrons before I left for UK. I saw a picture of the Ye Sheng, Chin Leong, Renhe, Winston and I enjoying ourselves at the Esplanade Harry's Bar.

These photos of course brought out other memories. Memories of my NS days, my JC days, my dance days and lots more.

The memories are so fresh that that I could smell the air I smelled on that day. I could still remember the feeling of collecting my IC from Jiehan and asking him to pose with me in a photo, ever so vividly. I could still remember the day when the group of six went to MOS and Soon puked all over the place. Haha!

All these things are so close to my heart yet so distant now.

Now I lead a different life from that of my memories. No more late night (or should I say early morning) coffees at TCC or The Coffee Club. No more pool at Pool Factor. No more MOS or "Waititng Bar" looking at chio waitresses and kicking people's ass at the pool table. No more Chivas and Green tea while playing drinking games. No more squash. No more doing store in my "private office". No more dancing till we drop (when I say dancing I don't mean at clubs). No more family. No more cheap public transport. No more sun. No more going to Yew Tee Food Court to eat whatever I want. No more alot of things lah.

Sometimes I really want to go back to those days. But I know I can't and I won't. A person just got to move on. Like I said in one of my posts, 过去只是一种人生经历，而并不是一种负担. What's the point of living life exactly the same twice? When I look back on my past, I feel like a piece of my heart was left back there. A sense of loss sometimes overcomes me. But at the same time I feel a sense of warmth, in knowing that the memories I had are happy and that I had not led a life which deserved no memories.

But it's kinda hard to not feel a little overwhelmed sometimes. The powerful memory in this sense would have to be that of the days when I was dancing, especially in RVHS. Why? Cos it's literally a life changing experience for me.

I want to smell the air of my homeland. I want to feel the warm air of a tropical island on my skin. I want to hear people speak singlish all over the place. I want to see a sea of black heads when I walk into a crowd. I want to feel the presence of my family and friends. I want to sleep on my bed and in my room. I want to play my XBox on my sofa. I want to gorge myself with food at the Yew Tee food court. I want to go to Lot 1 KPool and play pool with Uncle Gan. I want to club like there's no tomorrow with the group of six (drinking, dancing, 猜拳 all included) I want to eat my grandmother's cooking. I want lots of things.

I want to feel my heart where it belongs...

LIfe's a mess

What are we trying to do?

What am I trying to do?

Life's a mess isn't it?

You wait. You don't wait. Where's the line? When do you decide to change from action to inaction? The truth is I don't know where is the line. But are we asking the right questions here? Is there even a "standard" line to begin with? I don't think so. We cannot judge things across the board. I think at all points in time we need to ask ourselves what is it that we are trying to do. The question of "why" isn't that important here. Because most of the time, we don't know why we are doing things. It's just a "feeling" type of thing. Some of you may feel that this is a too adhoc and loose kind of way to take things in life. You may feel that in life there needs to be standards (like ISO 9002 or smthg). That's true as well. The need for standards is not in conflict with the "variable line" I am talking about here. You derive your "standards" from yourself, and no one else. The "standard" need not be the same each time. But then would it mean that you lack consistency? Again the answer is no. Just because the "standards" aren't the same doesn't mean that you cannot derive the same conclusions for different situations. For example, 2 men murdered their wives under very different circumstances (just imagine any circumstance for yourself, there's no loss of generality). Most of us would probably arrive at the conclusion that what the 2 men did was wrong (I hope). But the "standards" in which we judge them could be very different. This leads me to my next point.

You choose. You don't choose. When do you choose? When do you allow life to choose you? When do you choose to do something instead of another? How do you pick out which criteria is important and base your judgement on that? Choice is a concept central to many things in life. If you think about it, you will find that it is true. (at least I did) It is something which I cannot describe in words to anyone. You just gotta think about it yourself. Pull yourself out of your shell and look at things from the outside. But what I CAN tell you is choice is a beautiful yet cruel idea. It introduces uncertainty and freedom. Yet at the same time it can make you loose your direction. It is perhaps the most objective concept introduced in a most subjective manner. Choice makes the world (at least the human part of it) the way it is. You choose, what if you choose wrong? You don't choose, so you wait. But you might just miss a once in a lifetime opportunity. So how? Is there a "standard"? How does one arrive at decisions? That's easy.

You think. You don't think. You think through each step carefully and chances are you will arrive at a conclusion in line with your aims and objectives. But if you keep doing that, you can't keep up with the pace of life. And also, is life ALWAYS about aims and objectives? Isn't it tiring to be ALWAYS chasing after something? Somethings are best to left to the non-thinking side of you. Sometimes if you just allow things to flow in their naturaly state, it will turn out beautifully and be more than what you can ever expect. But that's SOMETIMES not all the time. Haha! So when do you CHOOSE to think or not? At this juncture, we return to the notion of "standards". When you think, is there any guarantee that you will arrive at the same conclusions each time? Where is the "standard" in you? Must the "standard" be the same each time you "think"?

You change. You don't change. Imagine a painter teaching his apprentice how to paint. Years later the apprentice becomes an accomplished painter. In his works you see traces of his master. But it doesn't mean that the apprentice copies every stroke every colour to produce his works. He learns why the master use certain colours and how the master executes certain strokes of the brush. Likewise, I believe that there's this core inside everyone which defines who they are. This core hardly changes (though it CAN change) This core represents a powerful tool capable of handling any situation in life, although in a certain "style". But just like the apprentice doesn't produce replicas of his master's art, a person need not be the same throughout his life. Imagine a person being the same throughout his life, quite boring isn't it? Just because you have always done it doesn't mean that you have to do it now. Just because you have wanted it all your life, doesn't mean that you want it now. I guess the pertinent questions now would be "what are you 'standards'?", "what is your choice?". It's ok to change as long as it doesn't violate your morals or your core. Be true to yourself and others. Let your choice reflect who you are and what you think.

To wait. To choose. To think. To change. I don't think I can ever understand fully what these 4 things mean to me. Funny as it is, if I live my life using these 4 factors, I don't actually have to understand what they are. I feel that I have much more to say about this but this entry is seriously getting to long. So in conclusion, I feel that life isn't fixed and yet there's this constancy about it that's hard to explain. You live in this moment and that's all that matters. What you do now may affect the future but what you can do is only in this moment itself. (if you get what I mean) Think about it. You don't have to know what you want or why you want, but be aware of who you are and live life as you would like to.

On my way home

Passing by the Natural History Museum.
It seems that the people are all walking faster than me.
That's fine.
Why should I walk as fast as them?
What time is it?
I don't know. Doesn't matter.
There is no desire to walk any faster or slower.
I feel at ease now.
Feeling,
Every air molecule that touches my face,
The cool air at the back of my neck,
My hair rustling in the wind,
Every breath,
Every step.
In this moment,
I am no longer the centre of everything,
I am everything.
I fill my reality with myself.
Taking in every sound, every sight, every breath, every smell.
Thoughts come and go.
I let it come and go.
This is reality,
My reality.
Everything around me,
I am aware.
I know where I am going.
I put my feet exactly where I want them to be.
I take in each breath with awareness.
I feel at ease.
No shred of automacticity.
No sign of disorder.
In this moment, this step, this breath, this thought,
I am myself.
Can it get more real than this?
Can it really get more real than this?

About whiskey

My third shot is next to me right now.

My Chivas (18 Year Old) is finishing soon. Not finishing it tonight though. (not that fierce) Moreover, if I finish it so fast then I gotta find a way to get more. Too lazy to do that. Haha!

Just got me thinking of some things.

First of all, pardon me if I spelt whiskey wrongly. I heard that "whiskey" can be spelt as whiskey, whisky or bourbon depending on whether it is from the US, Scotland or Ireland. But it doesn't matter, you know what I mean.

Haha!If I sound incoherent at any point in time, it may be because I don't know what I am typing anymore. No lah. I don't get drunk drinking alone. And I don't like to get drunk or even high for that matter. I just want to enjoy the drink. (Which is also why I really don't like things like Vodka)

My Chivas is 18 year old. That makes it almost as old as me! So much work and resources has gone into the making of this whiskey. Not just that, it waited patiently for at least 18 years to end up in my hands. It's fate.

I'm not some whiskey expert but I do appreciate the effort put into making a bottle of whiskey. And you really learn alot from drinking a good bottle of whiskey. (I started to realise this since the first shot of Zhonghan's Green Label especially)

Imagine, this very bottle of whiskey could have ended up with some rich kid who would piss it away just to get high. Now, I'm not saying that I am the "god of whiskey" or something. But at least I appreciate the warmth it gives me and the content it holds within it. And the fact that it "has waited 18 years for me" (sounds like some love movie. Haha!) makes me enjoy it even more. I mean, of all the makes of whiskey and all the bottle, it has to be this one that comes to me. For this I am grateful to the makers of this fine whiskey sitting in front of me right now.

Alright, don't know if any of this makes sense. Will read it again tomorrow to double check. If you are reading it, it means that I haven't deleted it which means that it makes sense. Haha! Gotta enjoy my last shot and go to sleep liao...

今朝有酒今朝醉，莫使金樽空对月

刚刚吃了团圆饭。

其实也不能算是个团圆饭，因为家人都不在。要算的话，应该算是个“结缘饭”吧！

人与人之间能聚在一起总得靠个“缘”字。能在此时此刻，此情此景，共度这佳节良日还真是难得。或许明年，就算能有同一个地方，吃同一顿饭，人也可能都不一样了。这种感觉有点像在巴黎过新年的感觉。生命中的每一刻都是昙花一现，稍纵即逝。有时还真让人觉得有点恐慌。

按照新年的惯例，酒是一定得喝的。当然，今年也不例外。而且也喝了不少。放心，我没这么容易醉。醉的话也不会写这么一大堆了。

可今天喝酒的感觉不大一样。平时都习惯了一个人或跟一些好友喝。那种感觉很轻松，很自在。今天喝的就不是这样。也没感觉特别轻松。也许还不够尽兴吧。

或许不是酒和环境的问题。或许是我的问题。

可能是最近脑子里想了太多东西了。杂乱的思绪阻碍了品酒的气氛。所以说“酒不醉人，人自醉”还真没错。心情对，有酒没酒都一样。

我想我应该快点清理脑中的思绪，否则错过的真得太多了。“今朝有酒今朝醉，莫使金樽空对月”这句话还真是应该去细细的品味一番。

CNY dinner

Just went to the CNY dinner organised by IC Singsoc.

It was at this restaurant call Habour City. Pretty good.

But there were quite few dishes though. Nonetheless, we made full use of the free flow rice, especially Kenneth. I guess he really made his mark tonight. From now on the whole Singsoc will know him as the one who eats alot of rice, The 饭桶 (i.e. the rice tub)

It was quite funny though because the waiter and the manager actually made fun of him and passed him a HUGE bowl of rice and challenged him to finish it. He didn't in the end. But nonetheless his ability to chomp down on massive amounts of rice is amazing.

The whole dinner was very cheerful. Everyone had fun. It's nice.

Well, it's the next best alternative to being home with your family. Wait a minute, in UK, these people ARE family. They are the ones closest to you in this foreign land. But at the same time, they aren't the same.

Hmm... How do I put this in words?

I can't.

The feeling is just different. Afterall, I've spent CNY with my family all my life. That's not to say the feeling tonight wasn't good. It's nice and heart warming, but in a different way. On one hand I'd love to be back with my family. On the other hand, I'm glad that I had the opportunity to experience all this and to spend this special time of the year with wonderful people.

Family's good. Friends are good. Friends like family are good. Family like friends is good. You can't always have it all. Enjoy it while you have them.

(photos on flickr. find it too much of a hassle to upload to blogger)

情人节快乐

祝天下有情人终成眷属。。。

至理名言17

得饶人处且饶人

Corrine May -- Fly Away

Just got Corrine May's -- Fly Away from Han.

I absolutely love this song. Especially when I am alone in a quiet room (and especially when there's whiskey! haha!).

It's just so soothing.

On top of that, it really describes what I am going through. Still remember listening to it before I came to UK...

I Can't Believe It!

This is the 100th post in this blog. Centenary post, so to speak. (Learnt of the word "centenary" because my school recently celebrated its 100th anniversary)

Never imagined that it would last so long. Really got into the habit of blogging now that I am here in UK. Perhaps if I continue long enough I can look at this blog and remind myself of the "past". Haha!

Just to let you guys know, my previous blogs (notice the plurality) never went pass 20 posts, I think. So this is quite an achievement. Haha!

黑白画映

黑白画映，是张学友的歌。

2007年2月6日，凌晨1点。我听着这首歌。

当然，这是我非常爱听得一首歌。 否则我也不会在我的blog里提起它。

我记得这是我在军中常听得一首歌。它让我想起过往种种回忆。

想起以前在我的storeroom里面偷懒睡觉。想起以前在bunk里，边听歌边聊天。想起PACES2 rollout的时候，没日没夜的干。想起在medical centre的pantry里面吃canteen food。想起每晚都偷跑到medical centre看电视。（说到电视，我已经很久都没看华语电台了！）想起commercial stocktake后跟staff tok讨off。 一段一段的军中生活片段，浮现在脑海里。

发现到， 原来40 SAR从来都没离开。虽然在当下，大家都认为那是个人间地狱，但那一段同甘共苦，同舟共济的时光，永远都会牵动着我的心弦。

真奇怪，怎么想起的都是一些快乐的时光? 苦日子都跑到哪儿？late book out, 被CSM整， outfield， 等等。现在想起，总是美好的。人就是这么“犯贱”的动物。哈哈！

或许人生就是这样的。我不知道。我还年轻，心情还不定。这种深奥的道理我还不懂。 懂如何？不懂又如何？老子说：“道可道，非常道”。所以就算我懂，我也不可能说给你听。否则我就不是真懂。哈哈！

过去只是一种人生经历，而并不是一种负担。人之所以能够回首当初， 或许就是因为我们要懂得学习。不，我说的不只是从过往的经历吸取教训。 我想更重要的是要学习如何以轻松，宽容的心面对生命的一切。宽怀对待生活中的起落沉浮。待人以诚， 以德服人。

哈哈！之前我说“道可道，非常道”。 现在我又在这里说了一堆。或许我真的还不懂吧。

至理名言16

I remember Robin Williams had this line in the movie Patch Adams. It struck a chord in my heart.

I can't recall the exact words. But it goes something like this....


"If you treat a disease, you win, you lose. If you treat a patient, I guarantee you, no matter what, you always win..."

Charge of an electron

1.6X10^-19 Coulombs


here's for u, daoye! haha! joking joking!

Another record!!!

New minesweeper record!!! 135 seconds!!!!

Haha!

Group of 6

Pig, Soon, Wywy, Etch, Sye and me.

Happy days man....

4am stuck at Liang Court. Lan games for 8 hrs. Basketball. Squash. Soccer. Pool. Movies. KTV. TCCs. MOS. "Waiting Bars". "Driver" Sye. Haha! And so much more...

字不醉人 人自醉 10

海上生明月，天涯共此时
情人怨遥夜，竟夕起相思
灭烛怜光满，披衣觉露滋
不堪盈手赠，还寝梦佳期

~~张九龄《望月怀远》

A world of black boxes

26th January 2007.

Walking back from school at 1530h.

Feeling slightly better after a run at the gym. As I was about to turn into Evelyn Gardens at the junction where the chapel is, I was reminded of the snow that occurred 2 days ago. I took a few photos then.

For some reason, I found myself asking the question, "How does a digital camera works?"

Reason led me to identify electromagnetic wave and electronics as the 2 areas in which I will find my answer. So I started out with the most simple scenario of a light ray travelling from a single point of the object, of which the image I want to capture, to my digital camera. The light passes through the lens of the digital camera which focuses the light on some sort of photo-chip. The chip probably contains a very large number of circuit components resembling a photodiode. The photodiode upon coming into contact with light of varying intensities and frequencies will generate a current of varying strengths. The coordinates of the particular photodiode and the corresponding current strength pertinent to that particular picture being taken is then stored in a memory unit which functions on the basis of an ultra-small, ultra-efficient capacitor or magnet.

That sounds pretty much it doesn't it? It has to be.

Personally, I don't know at all. (I certainly don't fancy taking my digital camera to find out! Even if I did, I probably won't learn much since I can't tell part A from part B)

Realistically, the answer is a VERY probable, no.

First of all, from my attempt at explaining the workings of a digital camera above, you can tell that there are several "gaps" that needs to be filled in. How does the trigger circuit work? Such that the memory unit know when to store the required data. How does the memory unit work? Such that it can store the data in a "meaningful" way to be extracted and synthesised into an image on screen.
How does the power circuit work? Such that on top of supplying power to allow the camera to function it can also charge up the capacitor for the flash light. The questions are numerous.

Of course it is not necessary to include all such details when giving an explanation of how a digital camera work. It is only necessary to give a description of the core system and the concept behind it. I am just allowing my mind to run wild and continue with this regression. If I had continued to list the "gaps" I would eventually arrive at the question of the origin of elementary particles like baryons, mesons, etc. Not only that, if such a regression is allowed in any explanation, ALL explanations of ANY phenomena or object would arrive at the question of origin of elementary particles.

Secondly, I may well be totally wrong with my explanations. Semiconductors of some kind may be used instead of capacitors or diode or any other electronic parts. Perhaps the image isn't captured by individual diodes but by some sort of chip which can record all the changes in colour and shades on one single canvas. That's why I say, I don't know.

All I can do is speculate. Or if I am really interested, maybe I will search the internet or library for information. In a more extreme case, if I am absolutely fascinated, I may devote my life's work into the digital camera.

Now, how many people would actually go to such lengths? It'd be quite amazing if a countable proportion of global population actually get to the first stage of going online to research about it, to me at least. I guess it is very safe to say that the majority of the people would just carry on and happily snap away with their high tech cameras. (I'm one of them! Haha!) Many of them would just say, "why do I need to know? As long as something goes in at point A and the thing that comes out at point B is what I want, that's all I need to know." This mode of thinking is functioning under a model normally called the model of black boxes. It means that a user does not have to know what happens within a standard part of the whole process. All he needs to know is the general structure of how things are going. Drawing an organisational tree diagram of any process under such a model would present a tree of black boxes where an input gets from point A to point B without any apparent cause.

I am not saying that everyone has to know everything. I guess it is very safe to say that this is pretty impossible too. Sometimes all we need to know is that this amazing black box gets us from point A to point B and achieves our objectives. There's no need to burden ourselves with superfluous explanations of trivial stuff. That I cannot deny. Afterall, science would not have progressed if every scientists starts worrying how exactly does a CRO work or how EXACTLY does the parts of the laser come together to generate this focused beam of electromagnetic wave, all the time. That is why we have specialists. Specialists in lasers, in CROs, etc.

But are we always happy with this black box? Can we be always happy with this black box? As everyday users of consumer electronics, do we need to know more? Or at least know SLIGHTLY more?

If you are reading this blog, then I suppose that you have a computer in front of you. Take a good look at it. Now, recall the first computer that you have ever seen in your life. Do they resemble each other? On the exterior, maybe. But what goes on inside is totally different. 10 years ago in the days of Pentium I or II, "breakneck" speeds were in the order of hundreds of megahertz. Nowadays, it is EASILY in the range of gigahertz. (Dual core even) Did you understand the computer you had 10 years ago? Do you understand the computer you had 10 years ago now? Do you think you can understand the computer sitting in front of you now? To some, the computer holds no mystery at all. But I have to say that such people are few and far between. To many, the computer is a series of black boxes like the graphics card, processor, etc. To some (I hesitate to give an estimate of numbers), the computer is just one big freakin' black box on its own.

Knowledge is advanced by one generation taking over the work of the previous generation and pushing on. In order to progress, we have to take what we know works for sure and use it to our advantage. How it works is secondary if we want to know about what we don't know. Strange isn't it? To know what we don't know, we push what we know into the realm of what we don't know. I'm not saying this about scientists or engineers or other specialists, it's just how the general pubic responds to the advancement of knowledge. (Please correct me if I am wrong) The impression I have so far is that as far as the specialists are concerned, they know their stuff. Taking a look at the camera itself. The first forms of the camera just consists of a pinhole and a chemical coated surface to record the image. The physics may be complex and not well-understood but the mechanism of the camera itself is rather simple. Look at the camera now. Digital SLRs, image stabilisation, auto focus, flash, LCD screens, memory card storage, the list goes on. How simple do you think that is? Hundreds of years of evolution and human development and technological triumph has gone into that 10cmX3cmX7cm black box of yours.

If the pace of advancement gets increasingly fast and people have no time to look back and care about the fundamentals, what will happen? What if we lost all our knowledge and technology and are only left with things developed prior to the point when our most basic black boxes were invented? What are we left with? Nothing.

Our everyday lives are crowded with black boxes. I sit in my room typing this blog, I see my iPod, my laptop, my radio, my external hard disk and the fire detection alarm attached to my ceiling. I see five black boxes. These are by no means basic black boxes. Within each black box is numerous other black boxes. If for each black box we have, we plot a black point on the world map, the world would be a very dark place indeed. It would be a world of black boxes.

I guess the question at the end of the day is whether you are contented to be taken from point A to point B as if being miraculously teleported. No doubt we cannot know everything. In fact it is frustrating and futile to try to know everything. Sometimes the fact that we don't know makes life interesting or drives us on to find out more. What I am saying is, in a world more and more filled by black boxes, it is not that everyone WILL know more or SHOULD know more. We need to know more.

Snow in London

It's snowing in London!!! Well actually it SNOWED in London.

Apparently it is quite a rare occurrence. Quite a refreshing sight to wake up to though. To see everything covered in white (except for the 2 beers I put outside on the ledge to cool).

But everything was back to normal by midday. The snow melted and life gets back to normal. Nonetheless, the momentary asylum offered by the snow from normal everyday life is much appreciated.

至理名言 15

过去只是一种人生经历，而并不是一种负担。

Yet another record!!!

I don't know how I did it but that's another minesweeper record for me!!!

139 seconds!!!

Bring it on!

Persuasion

Just finished reading Persuasion by Jane Austen.

Got to know about this book through the movie Lakehouse by Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. In the movie, this book is described about 2 people waiting for love. After reading it, I have to say that it is more than that. Then again, the movie is just taking what's useful and putting it in. It doesn't have to give a full review of the book.

This book was first published in 1817. So understandably it is written in old English. Grammar, vocabulary and spelling even aren't what we are used to. I wasn't too used to it initially. But PLEASE DO NOT let this put you off. I've never read a book quite like it. (Alright alright I haven't read many books) I mean haven't you had enough of crime, thriller and Da Vinci's Codes? Had a wonderful time reading it.

The book is titled Persuasion. So naturally it's about persuasion. It's about being persuaded. It's about persuading others. It's about persuading yourself. When is it a right time to hold true to your belief or path and when is it right to let go? Do you ever know? It is only with hindsight that you think, "ah, I should have done this." or "this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't ...." When you tell others, "you should do this" or "it'd be better if you kept away from ..." how do you know it's for the best? Can't your opinions be equally likely to be wrong? Perhaps it isn't about persuading or being persuaded by others. It is about persuading first and foremost yourself. Making yourself believe that what you are doing or what you are being told is correct or true to you heart.

In Persuasion, the 2 protagonists (Anne Elliot and Fredrick Wentworth), deeply in love, were separated due to an untimely persuasion of Anne to give things up. So eight years passed. Both of them living in suffering. Suffering from the hate of being abandoned, from remorse for the moment of weakness and from the prospect that such a miracle could never happen again in their lives. But the miracle doesn't have to happen twice. It has never stopped its work on Anne and Fredrick. They meet again. (fast forward to the end) They live happily ever after.

I have to admit, when I first picked up this book, I had quite a hard time. Not just because the English is not what I am used to, but also because it's just plain boring. This is in no way a discredit to the book. It sets the scene for what is to come. It gives the reader a feel of how gloomy the life of Anne Elliot has become since she was separated from Fredrick. As the story goes on, the style becomes more light hearted and animated as it describes how the flame between the 2 people are slowly rekindled. Both of them had persuaded that they didn't need each other and there weren't any feelings anymore. Persuaded they were, but only superficially. Deep within, they loved each other still. Just that pride, social norms and petty anger kept them apart. How superficial persuasion can be! Only cosmetically changing things. And yet the 2 main characters were kept away but such superficial things. So doesn't that make them superficial creatures? Sometimes that's the way we are, isn't it? Are the things that we feel important or affect us greatly REALLY matter? Can we persuade ourselves that it really matters? I guess sometimes it's easier to lie to ourselves and take the easy way out isn't it?

In this book you will see the traditional upper class society of old England. How people judge by appearances. How people hanker after connections to well known people. How people value their "friendships" by the benefits it can bring them. "How superficially they lead their lives!" I thought while reading. But then again, aren't we all sometimes like that? "What a dull life!" I thought. Does that mean that we lead "exciting" lives? Or are we just RELATIVELY more "exciting" with our TV, internet and stuff?

The love story of the Anne and Fredrick absolutely fills the book. There is no doubt that they will be together. But you just keep waiting and waiting for that to happen as the author describes what happens between them and how every little action by one party creates a storm in the other's heart. Quite funny isn't it? The 2 main characters waited for 8 years to be together and while reading the book it seems as if you are waiting with them. I absolutely love the author's method of revealing the story through the description of small details and everyday event. Normal conversations, little action, glances, etc. All of these advance the story. Through such everday things you see the characters evolve and the story unfold. It's as if every sentence every word has a hidden meaning to it, foretelling what is to come.

I feel that I can never do the book enough justice by writing about it in this blog. Go read it. I can hardly imagine you be disappointed.

至理名言 14

三人行，必有我师

I can't wait

2 extraordinary books came my way recently.

I know that they are extraordinary because I read one of them halfway before I came to UK (didn't have time to finish it) and the other one I've started reading it (and I already think its good).

The first one...
The Clash of Civilizations: The Remaking of World Order (Samuel P. Huntington)

The second one...
The God Delusion (Richard Dawkins)

Can't wait t finish both of them....

Johnny "Runner"... Keep running....

Haha! Finally went for my gym induction today. Now can use the gym liao.

At first when I heard of the gym induction, I was abit sian diao. Cos it smacks of SAF "CYA" (Cover Your Ass) mentality. But then what to do? If you want to use the gym then gotta go lor. In fact my original induction lesson was way earlier than today. I missed it to go to Brugge the last time. Haha!

Anyway the gym is fantastic. Super high tech.

I don't really care about the fitness equipment there. I'm just happy to see the treadmills, one whole super long row of treadmills. I really really need to run. Otherwise my cardio-pulmonary functions will start to degenerate. (In fact, it has ALREADY degenerated)

Ran to my hearts content. Can't say that I'm as fit as I was. But never mind. Can't expect myself to run as if last time when 40 SAR training for AHM like that. I felt good after the run. Feel as if I could breath better.

Oh ya. Another pleasant surprise. I lost weight!!! Haha! During the pre-ORD and post-ORD period I bloated up to nearly 70 kg. Fellow medics (e.g. Renhe) and my brigade senior medic all commented that I 发福了. Now, I'm a good 66kg ONLY!!! Haha!!!! Quite a surprise since I thought that by coming to UK (with the cold weather and all) I would get fat even more. Seems like that frugal and independent lifestyle has done me some good.

I plan to run regularly. Hope that I can keep the plan going. (for a reasonable length of time! haha!)

字不醉人，人自醉 9

一上高楼万里愁　蒹葭杨柳似汀洲
溪云初起日沈阁　山雨欲来风满楼
鸟下绿芜秦苑夕　蝉鸣黄叶汉宫秋
行人莫问当年事　故国东来渭水流

~~许浑《咸阳城东楼晚眺》

Another minesweeper record!!!

Yay!!! New minesweeper record!

Expert level complete in 148 seconds!!! (1 second improvement! haha!)

Cheers!

至理名言 13

十年寒窗无人问，
一举成名天下知。

眼泪成诗

刚刚在MSN跟Shiyin（对不起，不知道你的中文名怎么写）聊天，聊到了孙燕姿的“眼泪成诗" 这首歌。
这是一首我相当钟爱的一首歌。

我觉得这首歌孙燕姿诠释的不错。有一种沉默，沉着的感觉。加上她的嗓音本来就有点沉，配上二胡更让人有一种忧愁的感觉。但这首歌最吸引我的是它的词。

这首歌的词又是写实又是写意。让听者在现实和想象中流转。作者充分的把感情注入了词中。

开头平静中带点淡淡忧伤的感觉，在我看来，很值得细细品味。后来，又有一种澎湃的感情被释放的感觉。把整首歌推向高潮。

好东西是不需要用太多言语来解释的。读读歌词你就明白了。。。

我已经已经把我伤口化作玫瑰
我的泪水已经变成雨水早已轮回
我已经已经把对白留成了永远
忘了天色究竟是黑是灰
分手伤了谁谁把他变美
我的眼泪写成了诗已无所谓
让你再回味
字不醉人人自醉因为回忆总是美
我已经已经把绝情变成了恭维
因为不配
你就忽然自卑说声失陪
我已经已经把沉默变成了忏悔
无路可退 只能无言以对
分手伤了谁 谁把他变美
我的眼泪写成了诗已无所谓
让你在回味 字不醉人人自醉
因为回忆总是美 分手伤了谁
谁把他变美 我的眼泪写成了诗已是无所谓
让你再回味 字不醉人人自醉
你的品位总是美