LIfe's a mess

What are we trying to do?

What am I trying to do?

Life's a mess isn't it?

You wait. You don't wait. Where's the line? When do you decide to change from action to inaction? The truth is I don't know where is the line. But are we asking the right questions here? Is there even a "standard" line to begin with? I don't think so. We cannot judge things across the board. I think at all points in time we need to ask ourselves what is it that we are trying to do. The question of "why" isn't that important here. Because most of the time, we don't know why we are doing things. It's just a "feeling" type of thing. Some of you may feel that this is a too adhoc and loose kind of way to take things in life. You may feel that in life there needs to be standards (like ISO 9002 or smthg). That's true as well. The need for standards is not in conflict with the "variable line" I am talking about here. You derive your "standards" from yourself, and no one else. The "standard" need not be the same each time. But then would it mean that you lack consistency? Again the answer is no. Just because the "standards" aren't the same doesn't mean that you cannot derive the same conclusions for different situations. For example, 2 men murdered their wives under very different circumstances (just imagine any circumstance for yourself, there's no loss of generality). Most of us would probably arrive at the conclusion that what the 2 men did was wrong (I hope). But the "standards" in which we judge them could be very different. This leads me to my next point.

You choose. You don't choose. When do you choose? When do you allow life to choose you? When do you choose to do something instead of another? How do you pick out which criteria is important and base your judgement on that? Choice is a concept central to many things in life. If you think about it, you will find that it is true. (at least I did) It is something which I cannot describe in words to anyone. You just gotta think about it yourself. Pull yourself out of your shell and look at things from the outside. But what I CAN tell you is choice is a beautiful yet cruel idea. It introduces uncertainty and freedom. Yet at the same time it can make you loose your direction. It is perhaps the most objective concept introduced in a most subjective manner. Choice makes the world (at least the human part of it) the way it is. You choose, what if you choose wrong? You don't choose, so you wait. But you might just miss a once in a lifetime opportunity. So how? Is there a "standard"? How does one arrive at decisions? That's easy.

You think. You don't think. You think through each step carefully and chances are you will arrive at a conclusion in line with your aims and objectives. But if you keep doing that, you can't keep up with the pace of life. And also, is life ALWAYS about aims and objectives? Isn't it tiring to be ALWAYS chasing after something? Somethings are best to left to the non-thinking side of you. Sometimes if you just allow things to flow in their naturaly state, it will turn out beautifully and be more than what you can ever expect. But that's SOMETIMES not all the time. Haha! So when do you CHOOSE to think or not? At this juncture, we return to the notion of "standards". When you think, is there any guarantee that you will arrive at the same conclusions each time? Where is the "standard" in you? Must the "standard" be the same each time you "think"?

You change. You don't change. Imagine a painter teaching his apprentice how to paint. Years later the apprentice becomes an accomplished painter. In his works you see traces of his master. But it doesn't mean that the apprentice copies every stroke every colour to produce his works. He learns why the master use certain colours and how the master executes certain strokes of the brush. Likewise, I believe that there's this core inside everyone which defines who they are. This core hardly changes (though it CAN change) This core represents a powerful tool capable of handling any situation in life, although in a certain "style". But just like the apprentice doesn't produce replicas of his master's art, a person need not be the same throughout his life. Imagine a person being the same throughout his life, quite boring isn't it? Just because you have always done it doesn't mean that you have to do it now. Just because you have wanted it all your life, doesn't mean that you want it now. I guess the pertinent questions now would be "what are you 'standards'?", "what is your choice?". It's ok to change as long as it doesn't violate your morals or your core. Be true to yourself and others. Let your choice reflect who you are and what you think.

To wait. To choose. To think. To change. I don't think I can ever understand fully what these 4 things mean to me. Funny as it is, if I live my life using these 4 factors, I don't actually have to understand what they are. I feel that I have much more to say about this but this entry is seriously getting to long. So in conclusion, I feel that life isn't fixed and yet there's this constancy about it that's hard to explain. You live in this moment and that's all that matters. What you do now may affect the future but what you can do is only in this moment itself. (if you get what I mean) Think about it. You don't have to know what you want or why you want, but be aware of who you are and live life as you would like to.