I can't believe that it's been so long

For some reason or another, I decided to visit my own blog today.

I can't believe that the last post was made in December 2011.

Has it really been that long? The passage of time sometimes seems fast forwarded in some aspects of your life only to do a rewind in others.

I've had this blog from 2006. Many of my thoughts during my university days are in here.

Some day when I bother to go back and have a look at my own thoughts, I wonder how I'll feel?

Well, maybe someday I'll find out. But not today...

So many people

Why are there so many people around?

It seems like there is barely enough room for me to get enough air to breath.

Everywhere I go there are people jostling about.

Have to fight for my seat at the food court. Have to stand in a long line to pay for anything. Buses are crowded beyond measure MOST of the time. Have to raise my voice to talk all the time.

I know I seem like I'm a complaining wimp. I understand that it's just the natural progression of things as people flock to cities for jobs and opportunities. Especially in the case of Singapore, not only is it a city, it is also a country on its own; which means that people have no where else to go, not to mention the influx of immigrants.

It's just that on average, every man, woman and child should have 0.022 square kilometer of space. May not sound like much, but that's like a 150m by 150m space, PER PERSON. Of course I'm discounting mountains, deserts, etc where living conditions are, let's say, less than desirable.

But still the sense of packed sardines keeps lingering in the air. Have we really so little space?

Again, I understand that cities are just like that. It's just that it's hard to feel relaxed in such settings. Maybe that's why people pay so much for spa treatments. And also, my introvert-ness probably plays a major role in me feeling this way.

It's just that it's so hard to have a good look at life when there is so much noise around. It's so hard to quiet down and dig deeper when at every moment you have to watch out for an oncoming person. It's so hard to focus when you are constantly shifting your point of concentration.

What I am trying to comment on is not the "right-ness" of the state of things. I don't believe that we should ask the government to do this do that. I don't believe that by slowing down Singapore can survive in this cut-throat world. I don't believe that this is a situation unique to Singapore. I don't believe that people shouldn't go to cities in search of a better life (if it is REALLY a better life that they are getting in return).

It is this: What does the state of things tell us about our underlying state of mind/heart?

Are we really willing to give up so much for a perceived material well-being? Is the trade between a peaceful and clear state of mind and job opportunity a fair one? (some might comment that I am assuming that a peaceful setting leads necessarily to clarity of mind. I'm not. But a peaceful setting definitely PROMOTES clarity of thought and to a certain extent a less peaceful setting for a more vibrant society and opportunities IS WORTH IT.) Have we been so blinded by the rapidly changing world that we are oblivious of the constants in life? Are we leading lives of passion and exhuberance or are we merely surviving?

We are creatures capable of beautiful thoughts and emotions. We were meant to think about our purpose and not just say that everything is just the way it is so let's live with it.

While we can say that we shouldn't forget bread and butter. Passion and love goes a LONG way in allowing us to do what we do MUCH BETTER. We have enough people in the world to do all sorts of things. So why don't we do it happily with passion, love and excitement?

There are undoubtedly places in the world where such talk of passion is idealistic and nonsensical. How can you indulge in passion when there is famine? How can you do what you love when you live under an oppressive regime? My experiences in life make me ill-equipped to answer such questions. But perhaps let me hazard a guess at a possible answer.

Times might be tough for such people. But even then, if they live their lives with hope and passion, would it not be much better? If they maintain a passion for freedom and a love for their fellow man, would they not be capable of magnificent achievements? We have seen this in the recent Arab springs where people, keeping their hopes and desire for a better future alive, carved out a society with their sweat and blood for all their fellow countrymen. To these people, I send my utmost respect. In fact, it is often remarked that it is the people who live in the most dire situations who learn contentment, hope and passion.

As for city-folk like me, we have grown obese on our diet of everyday conveniences, basic amenities and continuous sensual stimuli...

Not really mentally prepared

I guess I'm not really mentally prepared to come back to work.

Not that I'm not happy to go back to family. But just not adjusted to the fact that I'll have to go back to the old work environment.

A thing that lives on the top of Mount Everest called Belief

It seems to me that it's getting so hard to believe in things nowadays....

One reason is there's always an "explanation" or an "answer" to the things that seem amazing. And the "explanations" become the salt to bland chicken or the acid to the akaline; it neutralizes whatever wonder that we may have for the world.

There are of course other causes to this difficulty in belief like the deceptiveness of the world and the mind-numbing variety of sensory stimuli by material things. But let's j

ust focus on the first reason: the neutralization of WONDER.

It is so hard to impress people nowadays. Smug with "intelligence", wrapped in apathy and numbed by the world, people find it hard to believe in something greater than they or to simply feel amazement in a joyous form.

My question is this: Is it that hard? To believe, to be amazed, to wonder and to be humbled...

The advent of science, like a constantly accelerating locomotive that pushes the world towards the speed of light has given us explanations to many things in everyday life. Why are there clouds in the sky? Why does the sun rise and set? How can we generate electricity using a metal coil and moving magnet?

In the process, people just started to think, "That's it! Nothing more than heat causing water molecules to vibrate faster. Once the water molecules are energetic enough, they'll escape from the surface of bulk water. That's boiling water!" Nothing more... That's the attitude that supposedly kills wonder and amazement in this day and age. The world is no longer wonderful and amazing, it's just like any other machine with bits and pieces that "happen" to work together to result in phenomena seen in everyday life.

"it's gonna take much more than that to impress me!"

Often it feels like it would take a feat of Everest-scales to impress and convince.

This is my assertion: Although science has provided us with many "explanations", contrary to popular opinion, that does not in any way diminish the wonders of life. ( I know many people will agree with this statement. But it's because it "sounds right". That is not what I want. I'm looking to look at it more closely than that.)

To illustrate my point, I'm not going to try to raise every known example. That'd be an impossible task. Not just for me, but for blogspot's server as well. What I'm going to do is to pick an example everyone knows; an example so simple that everyone can experience simply by lifting their heads (and hopefully their hearts) to the sky.

Clouds...

Clouds are essentially congregations of water droplets in the sky. They're white because of the way sun light is scattered off them. Because of their size and the amount of water vapour, light of all frequencies tend to be scattered evenly in any direction. They move around by being pushed around by wind (i.e. moving air). When they get too heavy, there is an avalanche of water from the sky.

This is pretty much clouds for you. (I ask the forgiveness from those better informed than I for my description) That's about it as far as their "mechanism" is concerned. However, knowing how they "work" doesn't make them trivial. In fact it makes them all the more amazing.

The fact that such masses of water can be suspended in the air (after all, we now KNOW that they are not fluffy cotton balls but water which is really heavy). The fact that they not just float, but move. The fact that they form part of the Earth's irrigation system; a way of delivering massive amounts of water. The fact that beyond the nuts and bolts of knowledge, they are such beautiful things. The fact that beneath all this there is a governing set of equations based on thermodynamics, mechanics and electrodynamics, concepts which are universal and based on rationality.

Isn't it amazing? Something as "commonplace" as clouds can be so complex and can embody beauty and physics.

My point is, you don't have to climb Mount Everest to find belief and wonder. It's all around. Just step out of your door and open your hearts and eyes. You'll find amazement everywhere. In the rising and setting of the sun. In the change of the seasons. In boiling water. In birds flying.

All you need to do is take a step further from what you think you know. Isn't that amazing?

I want to scream out but I can't

Don't you just want to scream out at the top of your lungs sometimes? I do. Often.

But I can't.

I wish I could find a legitimate reason for me to do it.

But I can't.

Every so often, your mistakes, failures and shortcoming stares you in the face. And all you want to do is to look away.

It's even worse when this wound is opened up by someone you love. Makes it all the more painful.

How did it become that way? I didn't want it... I don't even know whether it was because I can't change for the better or because I don't want to. Maybe it's in me to stay as I am and resist change? I don't know. All I know is that it hurts.

Like C. S. Lewis says, sometimes what makes love so painful is that it points out to you how un-lovable you actually are.

I wish with all my heart that I can just scream and shout and throw a trantrum like a kid. Then it'll be a new day. But that would not be right.

It's unjustifiable. Not to me. Not to my loved ones.

For now, I'll just have to keep it in. To endure it. To stare ugliness back in the face.

Being smart

There's nothing to be proud of in being smart.

What's there to be proud of, if it is something you hadn't worked for?

You can be proud of doing something good with your intelligence but certainly not of the intelligence itself.

No matter how smart you are, there's always someone smarter. In fact, it is often the case that you find out that you are not so clever after all when you sincerely think so.

Happiness Left Behind

People work for a living.

More than that, people work in pursuit of happiness, for a better future and to achieve self-realisation.

So why is it that our lives are increasingly UNhappy, exponentially growing in emptiness (don't know if that phrase makes sense. after all, how can nothing become MORE nothing?).

My friend told me that when he was in his home village, every one worked hard. Properly hard manual labour. But every one in the village was like family. Parents stay with their children. If any one in the village needs help, all the members of the community chip in. Most importantly, he was happy then.

Have we got our sights on the wrong things? Popular sentiments would tell you that we most undoubtedly have. But in my opinion, those protests to a superficial life are superficial themselves at best. How do I know that? I know it because nothing's changing. In fact it's getting worse.

It seems to me that people are just trying to feed an insatiable beast with whatever they can get their hands on. If the world truly realizes how futile it is to pursue material "well-being", then surely it must change. Right?

Wrong. The reason is because it's too comfortable to remain in status quo.

I know I sound apocalyptic or even detached from the world. I'm not. I just as part of the world as everyone else.

It's just that I find myself repeatedly asking this question:

As we leave our homes, our families and our friends in pursuit of our happiness, have we already left our happiness behind?

A*STAR Interview

Shortlisted for an A*STAR interview.

Sure hope I get it....

人生的新阶段即将来临

转眼间，三年已逝。

大学生涯很快的就已经告一段落了。

这时候，又到了说那句话的时候了。。。 光阴似箭，日月如梭。。。

对未来，有些期待，也有些恐惧。

Fractals

I've added a new fractals picture to my title space.

Thought it looks nice.

Basically, a fractal is a pattern that continuously repeats itself within itself. Interesting isn't it?

Kinda make me rethink the way we look at things.

Perhaps at some point in time we may see things like our lives, the project we have to do, some people, in one way. Perhaps we're just not getting the full point of view.

Maybe beyond what we see and what we are so damn sure that is right, there is more.

Anyway I just thought that the picture looks nice.